On Bended Knees

I beg for forgiveness. For peace. For understanding. For a miracle.

I went to see a doctor twice in two days. The same one. Both times with totally different problems. I think he was fairly amused. He said I had irritable bowels; a side effect of stress. I had all the symptoms: nausea, lack of appetite, frequent urges to visit the loo, and a pinched look etched on my face. Pathetic, huh?

LT would say I brought this upon myself. I deserve no pity. Jacob would give me that I-told-you-so face. The boyfriend would go "tsk tsk" in a patronising way. Sigh. Long story, I don't even know where to begin. House hunting woes, I told Mr. Doctor. He tried to start a conversation; asked me why and what. He's nice, but I didn't need counselling. Not at 3pm on a Thursday afternoon.

At 3pm on a Thursday afternoon, all I wanted to do was go back to office. Type up the crap my demanding manager ordered me to. Stash the lappie in my locker and disappear for a good two weeks. Go home and crawl into bed. Wallow in self-pity 'til I can't stand myself any further and I will be okay soon enough. I wanted to yell at my manager, f*ck it. I am on leave today. You want me to do something, book me on the job then. I yearned to stuff my face silly with food and puke my guts out after that. I was desperate for hole to hide myself into and cry.

Yes, I am overstressed. I just refused to admit it to myself :(

Thank God, I told the kind doctor, I am flying off the Melb on Saturday afternoon. I am putting the whole disaster behind me. My mind is made up; my options are clear. 1,350 bugs won't kill me; I'd just whine and grumble about it for a couple weeks and not bring it up again. It was an expensive lesson to learn but what is life without its pitfalls? Jacob would say he survived worse and is still alive and kicking.

Let go and you will become what you want to be~