The Distrust of Trust

Picture this. Girl met guy. They fell in love; it was a match made in heaven. Dated for a couple of years before getting married. Life was tough; but hey, they loved each other. Guy wanted to build his career and girl gave her wholehearted support. She was a good wife and a good mother to their offsprings. In short, one sweet family.

Fast forward ten years. Guy is now rich and successful. And like all other rich and successful men, he becomes too cocksure of himself and (conveniently) forgets his marriage vows. Initially it's the occasional women he meets in pubs. 6 months later he has a mistress installed in some exotic villa. Typical modern day love story, don't you think?

So, wife finds out eventually. But, what can she, or rather, what is she going to do about it?

Sure, you can sob your heart out. You gave him your heart and soul; you dedicated half of your life to give him what he has now and this is how he repays you. But the point is, it's not like he pointed a gun to your temple to force you to marry him or sacrifice so much for him.

Of course, you can turn hostile and sue him for half of his assets. Battle in courts for custody of the kids; take them and the money and swear to never see his asshole face again. But, what about your poor kids who lost their daddy overnight. Think about how their classmates will tease them in school; believe me, kids nowadays are merciless. Imagine them growing up without a fatherly figure.

And yes, the guy may come crawling back begging for forgiveness. Says it was a mistake and you are the woman he loves most (and still do). Swears on his ancestors' graves that he will never do it again if you take him back. And because you are born tender hearted like 60% of the female population, you capitulated and try to work things out. But, if he can betray you once (or even many times before you discovered his dirty lil secrets), what makes you think he won't do it again or is still sleeping with the 101 women outside.

So, is it worth trusting men (or love) in the first place?

My mother always says marriage is a calculated risk. But I think it is luck, too.

Trust is like bungee jumping; you plunge headfirst into unknown territory and pray hard that you will never hit the bottom.

Trust is like gambling; you see something you like and place your stakes. Chances of winning are always 50:50.

Trust is like unwrapping a present; you can try to guess what it is by shaking/smelling/touching/weighing the package. But you will never know what is inside until you have the chance to open it. Seeing is believing; the rest is just nothing.

Kiez. I am definitely going beyond the edge with this. I'm at various crossroads now. Each requires me to make an earth shattering decision. I need time. A clear mind. Some guts. And trust.